Law school is a funny machine. On one arm, students are encouraged to be social. This is important because networking is the way to build a “stable career in law”. On the other hand, my grade depends on my neighbor’s failure; we are constantly reminded that “you are graded on a curve – someone’s got to get the D” or to “look to your left and your right…one of you will not be here next year.” A spirit of selfishness, competitiveness, and dishonesty is perpetuated. On the reverse of that, because we attend Howard University Law School, and all the legacy that follows, we are supposed to regard each other as family. For all of our lives, we have learned that family is supposed to share and love unconditionally, not to compete with each other. It is difficult to be focused on success and consumed with spending massive amounts of energy into trying to fit into an uncomfortable mold. With all of these conflicting expectations bearing down, in addition to the pressure to learn a vast amount of information in a short time, one can be drove to insanity.

I never felt the urgency to pray, meditate, and foster health relationship, as much as I do now. I’m trying to maintain my sense of self at all times. But trying to continue to grow and learn, while trying to hold for dear life to my identity as I know – it feels like I’m running against the wind. I am trying to figure out what the lesson is that I need to learn from this process – trying to refrain from living in the unknown future wishing I was done – and live in the now.